Enraged! Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Mixed Emotions 

I had to take a deep breath from the past three sessions. It took too much time and energy to allow myself to tell this counselor everything she wanted to know. The judge knows he is wrong for this. Why must he continue to put me through this torture of a session. Reliving the hell I went through only makes the fire in me worse! Here I am sitting at home drinking a bottle of vodka, smoking some kush, and just watching everyone pass by all happy and shit. My happily ever after is actually happily never disaster. No one cares about that though.  At this point I’ve stopped believing that anyone could ever really love me because I’m too damaged to be cared for. But that’s just how Life is! The world will never know what it’s like to be a broken criminal in your mind. Nothing good ever comes out of the feelings of betrayal, hurt and deceit. But let’s get off of this. I need to get myself prepared for yet another session with this counselor I’m tired of seeing!  As I walk back in this room I’m already annoyed. This bitch always got some slick shit to say! I felt judged being in this room. What else could she possibly want to know about my life that’s not that exciting to begin with? Here she goes. She wants to know about my friendships I had with people. Why is she so damn nosy? I didn’t want to relive this moment. But hey I’m already here right? So here it is. I had a best friend of 8 years. His name was Danny. We did everything together. I was there when his son was born, the day he got married to that snow bunny despite his family disapproving, there when he was in rehab for the drug problems and the list goes on. I thought that we would be close forever. You would think that your best friend wouldn’t backstab you the way that he did me. That son of a bitch had the nerve to do the one pet peeve I despise. But I still cared about that nigga! I can never forgive him though. So basically we started hanging out every single day. We talked about every single secret that we ever had. I gave him my very last. There were times where he would tell me his family were without lights and I would take care of any problem they had because he was my homie! I’m the type of person to where I’m loyal until the end. But that all went out of the door when he pulled the shit that he pulled. He ended up doing credit card scams. He stole my identity and started using my name to steal money off of people’s credit cards and placed it in my bank accounts. Then when the police contacted him he threw me under the bus knowing damn well I had nothing to do with it. Because of him I almost had to do time behind bars because he wasn’t man enough to even tell the damn truth. I had to spend almost 10,000 dollars just to get my name cleared. You know that the motherfucker  couldn’t even look in my face and tell me he did the shit! If I was that lowdown, I could’ve told his wife how he was fucking her baby brother in their own home. Yeah he was closeted. I kept all of this dirty little secrets because he was my supposed best friend. Fuck him. He just played me for a fool and he didn’t even attempt to make things right. This is way I have a hard time liking people. Because the minute you give an inch they take a mile. Gosh this is getting hard! Can you just stop asking me questions? I’m getting angry all over again. I know you probably think that I’m overreacting but this aggression has been built up for awhile. I hate life. I hate people. I hate being vulnerable. I just hate that I once cared. I really cared about people. But people never cared about me genuinely.