Enraged! Chapter 2

Chapter 2: This Pain Inside of Me

So here I am, back in this damn office! I still have all of these sessions to do with this lady who is looking at me crazy! She has the nerve to tell me that I should think happy thoughts but I seldom remember the happy thoughts. I’m looking at her like didn’t hear any motherfucking thing I said? The world made me this bitter ass person that makes me want to just want to spit venom! Here goes the counselor with the bullshit. She had the nerve to ask me if I ever let anyone in love me whether it be a best friend or a significant other. No lie, I was trying to find myself in this journey of love at one point in time. I did love one person but that person

Just tore me a new one! I thought I knew what love was but love was a motherfucker I tell you! Well she wants to know more about  “Love” so let’s talk about it.  At that point in life I wanted to feel love in anyway possible but I didn’t know how to Love because i never knew how it felt. That was until I discovered who I was. There was this beautiful woman sitting in front of me! Everything about her sparked a fire inside of me. It wasn’t her looks that took my breath away! She was very intelligent, had a strong personality, and the funny thing about it was she approached me. Who would think a woman would approach a man? It is usually the other way around!  But she did and since that day we met we were inseparable! When I tell you she was my everything, she was my everything. We would go out and just explore the world. We went to Japan, Mexico, Germany, And the list goes on.  We met each other’s parents and they initially loved us both. Of course in every relationship you have your problems. But I thought you were supposed to work those situations out or at least try to make it work. The situations started small. She used to lock her phone up, sneak into the living room to have these long conversations with her “best friend”, start arguments so that she could leave the house, and my ass would sit there and bite my tongue because I worshipped the ground she walked on. When you’ve given someone so much of your time, energy, love, money etc.. you would think that would suffice you being together forever right? Don’t get me wrong I’ve done some pretty fucked up things in this relationship, but the one thing I would never do is crush the heart of the one you’re supposed to spend the rest of your life with. Here is the breaking point In this situation. She gets sent off to the military and years fly by. I’ve noticed a big change in her when she got home. At this point in my career, I’ve worked so hard so that we didn’t have to worry about finances, our house was paid for cash, and we could travel the world and start a family. I even picked out a ring! When I asked her to marry me, she said yes but i instantly felt like there was a slight disconnect. And that’s where shit went left! It was Valentines Day. The day that was supposed to be about love. But now it is a day that I wish would just disappear and never return.  I had a big night planned. I was about to set up our home with a bunch of things but then I heard something upstairs. As I go upstairs and open the bedroom door my heart sunk. The woman that I loved was in the bed with another man and his wife! I had lost my motherfucking mind. How can this bitch say she loves me and wants to be with me when she’s the slut of the town! I had defended her because she was my woman and this is the shit I get in return? Oh no! Someone will have to pay for this. They had 2.5 seconds to get the fuck out of my house before i set the bitch on fire with them in it! Ever since then my mind was all fucked up. I didn’t want to love anymore. That made my hate for the world that much stronger. So how can you tell me I have a problem when the world is the fucking problem! I’m the only mother fucker with some sense in this world that fucks you with no Vaseline. The counselor now wants to say, well maybe you should should open yourself up more and allow more love to come in place of that? My instant reaction was, BITCH! Did you not hear what the fuck I just said? Don’t try to feed me this reverse psychology bullshit. I got my degree in this field. You can say that because you have the perfect life. My life has been nothing but shambles and lies! I’m mad as hell and there’s nothing that can change that. And you still don’t know the half of what my life really is! So until you’ve fully walked in my shoes just shut the fuck up and listen to what i have to say. I’m walking out of this session! Bye bitch!