Chapter 5: Betrayal, Deceit, Awaken the Beast

I woke up in the hospital bed still out of my mind. The doctor told me that I lost a lot of blood and that I could have died the way I cut the skin off of my body. That’s all I heard her say. My mind was not in a good place. All of these flashbacks were in my head of everything that ever happened to me then and now. All I could think was, why all of this had to happen to me. All I ever wanted to do was to make a better life for myself because not one person could give me the things I wanted. I had self-esteem issues, I had family issues, and I had everything thrown at me at one time. When I finally get myself off of the ground, this is the shit that happens to me! A man from a broken family who was picked on all of his life. As the doctor was talking, she kept talking and I eventually checked back into reality. She asked me if I had any parents who could come and check me out. To be honest with you, I was lying in the beginning. I lived in an abused home for years so when I turned 18 I was on my own. I don’t have anyone to back me. I had to tell her the truth so I let her in on my family situation. They would not allow me to leave the hospital bed and they put me on suicide watch so that nothing would happen. I was not going to try to harm myself again. I did that enough. Now I am just mad as hell! Even if I were to come forward with this story, no one will ever believe me because of the seeds they planted on campus. That’s where I became enraged. I started throwing things, screaming, yelling, and I lost it. I had to do something. I don’t know how I am going to do this but I cannot let these bastards get away with what they did. They think they broke me down, when in reality they just awakened a monster they did not know existed. So I did what I was told to do in order be released. What people did not know was as I was sitting in this hospital bed being monitored. As I laying there, I took a sheet a paper and wrote everyone involved and took mental notes of everything I could remember that night. I was released three days after that and I had to wait for further instructions regarding what the institution was going to do about my situation. A week went by, and the campus president told me that they would continue to investigate the matter that went down prior to me being admitted into the hospital. I had to go to counseling, take this ridiculous ass medicine, and attend anger management. I get everything else I had to do but I did not feel the need to take medicine. I am not crazy. I am just mad as hell! I haven’t lost my mind like I should have! I had to figure out what was the next step was since I had to be low key about everything now that I am a target. I was told I could return to class, and the university sent out an email regarding bullying and how it would not be tolerated at Brown University. That definitely did not make me feel better about anything that went on this entire month. I walked into the classroom, and everyone sat with their head down not. The room was so silent you could hear a rat piss on cotton as the old country folks would say! I didn’t have words for my classmates. I was just there to get my education and I kept it moving. I had to be strong. I could not let the world know that I felt defeated. I walked with my head high, and when I walked down the hallway, there was the main thing that put fuel to my fire. It was Stephen ass looking down at me with this smirk on his face. My initial thought was to ram him down into the restroom and beat his ass on site! He walks up to me, and says how are you feeling now? I told you not to fuck with me! You were about to try rat us out to the university, but you forgot one thing. The President of this University is a member of our organization. We are surrounded by people everywhere on campus who are a part of this organization. All I could do was laugh. I told him I didn’t give a fuck who was what, but I don’t have to turn you in to get you to confess. Believe me. You think you know me because of what I told you, but you really don’t know me that well. You better watch your back. He looked at me, laughed, and his little crew came out behind him and they all looked at me. Laughing hysterically, they all were like, no one will believe you. You are just the faggot that got passed around the campus. All you had to do was do what we say and this wouldn’t have never happened. They all disappeared. I was heated! I knew I had to take matters into my own hands. So I went into my room, but when I was walking up the stairs I did notice something. There was someone sitting beside my doorstep. His face looked familiar. He said my name. Oh sorry, I didn’t tell you my name. I am still mad I wasn’t thinking straight. Just call me J for now. That’s all I want you to know. I cannot give my identity away because of everything that transpired this year. Back to the story. He said my name, and I looked. I was in shock. He said I know you are upset with me too, but please I promise you that it was definitely not what you think it was with me. It was Marvin. Marvin was always the one who was observant and never said much of anything. He always had my back through everything. I was more pissed off with him because he never said anything to me ever again after the night I had left the house. He told me that he to tell me something that could be of some help. So we went into my room, and we closed the door. I did not know what to expect, but I can assure you I need all of the help that I can get at this point. These bastards had to go down one way or another. I was determined to do anything to make sure I took all of them down. The main person I wanted the most was Stephen! They have fucked with the right student. I am not going down without a fight. Game on Bitches!